CUBA: A CUBAN NEWLY EMIGRATED TO PUNTA DEL ESTE

  CUBA: A CUBAN NEWLY EMIGRATED TO PUNTA DEL ESTE

  .Recently a Cuban emigrant settled next to my house in Punta del Este, with his wife and daughter. And he began his pilgrimage in search of work.

  As every Cuban in exile remained silent and avoided my encounters with him. Or was a victim of Castro indoctrination. Or a State Security agent or he was afraid of any Cuban who came close to being a snitch of Castroism.

  I greeted him kindly with a "Hello" every time we met. I would not follow Castro's tactic of distrusting any of my land. We are all Cubans and we love the land that we leave behind, whatever the reason.

  He got a precarious work badly paid, his wife also and his daughter placed her in a free nearby Lyceum - here education is free and also private, depends on the pocket of each one.

  I found out that the Cuban did not even have a TV to entertain his family at night and that they had to go to bed early. I gave them a TV-a moment- I gave him my own, I'm not the Mother Teresa reincarnated, and I told him to connect to the cable I was paying so that his options were varied. 

   He quickly installed it and in the light of his house it stays on until late at night.I am not afraid of the Cuban KGB, a charitable spirit as I was taught in the Church and that it is he who judges: whether I am an enemy of his ideology or not.

  I will not follow Castro's mandate to put fear or terror into every compatriot who emigrates, even if he does not know it. I'm not a Saint, but one of my land is a brother, whether it's the political tinge I have. 

  After all, you will learn what it is to live in a democracy and at some point-whether you are a snitch or not-you will understand that we must all remain together until freedom arrives on my island.

  Do not be afraid. Remain united because what Castro wants is for us to distrust and stay in power for a few more years

CHINESE HOROSCOPE: BY LOVOVISCO ESVIRUS. CHINESE ZODIAC.YEAR OF EARTH PIG.

CHINESE HOROSCOPE: BY LOVOVISCO ESVIRUS. CHINESE ZODIAC.YEAR OF EARTH PIG.

  From February 5 to January 20, 2020.

  According to the I Ching, book of the Chinese oracles, of Taoist origin with multiple adaptations to Confucianism, this treaty means for the West: book of changes.

  It is a divinatory book and also a moral book, at the same time that its structure and symbolism is a philosophical and cosmogonic book.The possibility of discovering and unmasking the contradictions that hide behind appearances and getting to understand the changes that occur in our lives, is mainly what the I Ching offers us through the structure of ideas represented in the different symbols and hexagrams and the relationships established between them.

  And it is a mixture that instead of confusionism should be called confusing. Even the Ying and the Yang are in their origins about 1 million years ago a.c.

  The start of the Chinese new year will be celebrated in Punta del Este with a grandiose parade that will leave from Gorlero street until stop one of La Mansa beach. It will have fireworks and all the Chinese scaffolding - that nation has to be flattered now, because it is the best recipient of our good Uruguayan meats. I wonder where many Chinese will come for the parade, because I do not see many here. Maybe they import them from Argentina for the occasion and so they can enjoy our beautiful beaches.

  The Year of the Pig: According to astrology, they will achieve all their goals. This is your year! It would seem that the pig is a dirty and filthy animal-in some countries they are called "pig" but in reality those little pigs on Facebook are wonderful, clean creatures, they make their needs on sand in a propitious corner, they are affectionate, etc.

   My family raised a very affectionate pig that we called Piggy because it looked like the Muppets and we all took care of it until the special Period arrived in Cuba and one night Mama served us stewed pork: it was Piggy, none of us wanted eat that meat, we would be like cannibals to ingest another human being, that is, pig, like us.

  People born under the sign of the Pig are considered noble, open and sociable. They are also retailers, demanding, although sometimes passive. I'm not referring to gays, forgive me.But fertility comes with a price in exchange for all the benefits, you have to take special care with your health. Chronic diseases will be the big issue, particularly those that refer to the digestive system. What we will see is that media attention will float around diseases such as diabetes, stomach cancer-like those suffering from brevilinean biotypes, acute stomach infections, gastritis and mental health, which is linked to obsessive disorders -compulsive-typical of the meso morphs- The secret this year will be not to exaggerate with sugar, high fructose syrup and obsessions.

  We must not exceed the scale: first of all measure. In other words, they are lost because of the sin of gluttony and the anxiety they have for eating brings them the obsessions, especially the manic-depressive, very common in pigs.

  On the other hand, the years of pig are to dance, to communicate with the whole body. The pig is not measured, he wants art and details, but he also wants to feel useful, that your point of view and knowledge matter in your family and community.

   This year he will put it to the test, since earth energy is more reflective, does not express directly, saves everything and then opens up little by little and empty his intestines anywhere, hence his fame.

  Luckily I am the Year of the Mouse, but not the sewer, but the children's pets. Clean, they eat everything-in my island even the mice have disappeared, they have all been eaten by hunger, and cats and dogs had "Extinguished" for the same house.

   But the SIGN OF THE MOUSE in the Chinese horoscope has its particulars. If you do not search Google and you will see how we really are.For other signs of animals such as the Serpent, the Goat, etc. Search in the same source.

  My friend the Argentinian Astrologer-who has won hundreds of thousands of dollars with her annual I Ching books, recently wrote me not to worry because my sign of compatibility was that of the CROCODILE.Thankfully, it is a patient reptile, waiting quietly with only its eyes on the surface of the water. I like it.

  So I can bite some asses that use the rivers of Africa and the marshes of Miami to relieve themselves and pollute the water.and reptile bites it and turns on itself, tearing off the cork and sometimes even the arm of the one who holds the bottle. But do not worry. They are emigrants from sub-Saharan Africa and nobody claims for them. 

   If the horoscope of LUVOVISCO ESPIRO does not convince them, I recommend the Mayan calendar, which is much simpler - some scholars of this calendar have gone totally crazy.

  And then, they will not believe in any other calendar, only in the Lunar of the Zodiac Signs of the West, that even the priests consult it.

  

THE SEXUAL LIFE OF AN 85 YEAR-OLD LADY.

THE SEXUAL LIFE OF AN 85 YEAR-OLD LADY.

  First of all I will say that sexual love has no age since youth for women and men are alive ...

  The story that I am going to tell you is real. It was told  me by the protagonist himself who is my friend for some years.

  The lawyer peered through the mists of cigarette smoke and saw an aging Lady staring at him. She was flirtatious, with curly hair up to her shoulders and discreetly make-up. She tooked up the drink looking at him that almost made winks.

   He did not admit doubts.The lawyer responded by raising his glass with whiskey black label and she followed it up raising his with something that looked like an orangeade.

  Without further ado the Lady approached his side and said in a slightly cascading yet seductive voice:

   -I'm Rosenda. I've been watching you since you entered the premises.

  - I am Mr. X. And you have also called my attention, especially your smile. You're not-and forgive me the question-one that is looking for young men paying money for at least something warm their bed for a night.

  Rosenda smiled mischievously.

  - Sometimes I had to do it to some handsome gigolo whose power of erection depends on the money that I pay him. I'm sure, according to my experience with men that you are not one of them, you are vulnerable and lack of affection, or I'm wrong?

  The lawyer hesitated for a moment to respond, he was not sure. He told her that he had been divorced for a month. That his ex had caught him having sex with girls in his office - with pictures and everything - and she proposed a divorce. He could only stayed for himself with a house with a garden, a lot to sell and his luxury car. he child they had in common was in joint custody.And now I was alone.

   I was not exactly looking for a sexual partner. The trauma of the divorce had not yet overcome it.

  - To tell you the truth would be the first time that a lady much older than me...

   -Do you know how old I am?"- She said.Mr. X, he knew that about age had to be careful with a lady. But Rosenda interrupted her thoughts.

  -I'm 85 years old, although it seems less, but I still have the energy and libido of my young years.I like to take it still and that they treat me like a little girl as if it were the first time, with care but with a little rudeness.

  The lawyer was excited by this last. Never had a woman of that age spoken to him like that.

  - Good. Do not talk anymore. We go to my house that today is a free day for my maid and nobody bothers us. Do you have a car? I say this because I see that you have drunk a few glasses of whiskey and it is not advisable to drive ... Better I drive in mine and then I bring you here again, when we are finished. In agreement?

  The lawyer was surrounded by a storm of emotions and let himself be dragged by the Lady to the door of the Club.He usually did not let himself be bossed by a woman but this Lady had something special, something that attracted him sexually.

  The car was expensive brand. Rosenda led him to a house with a lush garden and good care. It looked like a wealthy lady.

  -I tell you something before entering. I have been a widow three times and I have no offspring. I have not remarried because I will lose the pension of my deceased husbands who, incidentally, were not athletes in our bed.

   They entered a large room with a large, well-spread bed. The lawyer threw himself into bed to dissipate the effects of alcohol.Rosenda lay down next to him and expertly tucked her under the fly and took out the semi-erect penis of the lawyer and started a felatio in its full potential.

  -Put the condom. Here are several on my bedside table.

  He undressed and in the semi-darkness of the bedroom said:

  -Golp me the buttocks and peep me carefully. I'm naturally wet, without lubricant.And screamed, meowing with pleasure.

- Get me hard. Get me hard. My bull of Lidia. Go, strong, strong. Ahh. Yes. Ahh. Yes.

  The Lawyer was overheating and about to ejaculate but she restrained him by slowing down movements.

  -Wait. Wait. Not so fast. Enjoy the moment.

  The lawyer obeyed but it was already in the preambles that you can not stop the emission of semen and said:

  - Oh, I'm done, I'm finished!

  Rosenda, seeing what was coming, shouted:

  - Come on my macho! Give me my love!

  The two finished the act and both fell asleep until the next day.

  When the Lawyer saw up close and without the effluvia of alcohol and saw the wrinkled skin of the old woman who could not stand a surgical rejuvenation anymore he told himself.

  -But what have I done? 

  - It was very nice last night. You behaved like a Bull-But what have I done?-she said.

   The lawyer did not know what to say. They exchanged telephone numbers. She dressed with a new dress after a bath, perfume, creams and lipstick.

  She took him to the door of the Club where his car was. They said goodbye with a kiss on the cheeks,

  -."I'll call you," said Rosenda.

  The lawyer thought that everything had been crazy but some mechanism of which the women know had been stirred up in him and the Lady stayed in his mind.

  That same afternoon Rosenda called the lawyer and he ran or rather led as soon as possible to the house of the Lady.

  Some women, no matter how old, retain the glory of younger times until their death.

  It is not true that old women lose libido with age but sublimate remembering loved ones who went to the afterlife or take refuge in a religion, this time with faith.

DAMA CON SOMBRERO EN UN VERNISAGGE PUNTA DEL ESTE

   DAMA CON SOMBRERO EN UN VERNISAGGE EN PUNTA DEL ESTE.

   Recibí una invitación de una amiga pintora para ver sus nuevos cuadros en un local del centro de Punta del  Este. Muchos invitados bien vestidos desfilaban frente  a los oleos en silencio.

  No me gusta el arte abstracto, ni las performance, ni el body paiting ni esas figuras esqueléticas de cuellos largos tipo Modigliani que serían mejor actrices de un video XXX tipo Deep Throat.   Tampoco esas mujeres Picassianas que tienen ojos en el cuello, manos como tijeras y los pelos del pubis al costado de los labios.

  La pintora amiga-tenía que tener muchos recursos monetarios pues aquí el arte es caro y montar exposiciones en galerías            amplias y elegantes cuesta una fortuna.

  Me dediqué a observar los cuadros. Al fin, pintura de mujeres regordetas, como nos gustan a los cubanos-no flacas ni esqueléticas-sino con carne por todos los costados que exacerbaban la libido de los morenos del Caribe. Me recordaban las damas desnudas de los pintores flamencos como Rubens y otros. Esos sí captaban la opulencia de la belleza femenina con toda la voluptuosidad.

  La artista estaba de pie cerca de sus obras, radiante gordita como las mujeres que pintaba y que eran todas como una copia idealizada de sí misma, aunque mejoradas. La saludé amablemente y ensalcé su obra. Ella me dijo que pasara a otra pieza donde se servían canapés y bebidas finas.

  Ya aburrido me acerqué a la mesa y tomé una copa con un Vermut y entonces la vi. La Dama de mis sueños. De espalda, con un poncho de colores originales  típico de los indios Mapuches que le llegaba casi hasta las rodillas, de donde asomaba un pantalón rojo y unos bellos zapatos charol de alto y fino, tacón de del mismo color.

  Pero lo que más me llamó la atención de la dama era un exquisito sombrero de grandes, grandes, alas anchas, con una cinta roja en la cúpula, de donde se desgranaba un copioso cabello teñido de un rubio maíz liso como agua quieta de un manantial.

  Le hice frente a la Dama. Cuál fue mi sorpresa. Tenía como 120 años pero parecía de 105, ya saben, maquillaje, máscaras para el cuidado del cutis, etc. Hay mujeres que no envejecen nunca. Cual momias se conservan bellas y atractivas y aun son capaces de animar la psiquis de un hombre más  joven.

  Yo rompí el hielo:

  -¿Nos conocemos anteriormente?

  Ella me observó de arriba abajo con mirada escrutadora que solo tienen las mujeres que han vivido una larga trayectoria entre la riqueza y amantes infieles.

  -No. Señor. No he tenido el gusto.

  -¿Quiere un vaso de whisky o Vermut, se lo alcanzo con sumo placer? Es usted una Dama encantadora-dije yo zalamero y diciéndome para mis adentros que sería una de mis futuras amantes, tanto dinero proyectaba y eso que NO soy ambicioso.

 -Muchas Gracias. Ya yo tengo mi bebida favorita: un Fermet, que aparte de ser un buen vino es bueno para el estómago.

¡Ulcera duodenal o Gastritis crónica!-murmuré para mí mismo. No podía dejar de ser médico ni en las circunstancias más desfavorables.

  La dama con sombrero-capelina-como solo se ven en las fotos de la familia Real Inglesa se alejó de mí y tomó asiento en un banco. Yo la imité igualmente. A esta dama no la dejaba escapar yo tan fácilmente. Me senté a su lado. Ella me miró con los ojos perdidos en la nada y me preguntó:

  -¿Vos a qué se dedica?

  -Soy médico y ejerzo en Punta del ESTE.

  -Pues yo soy una viuda solitaria. Casada en primeras nupcias hasta que mi esposo falleció.

  -Ahh. ¡Cuánto lo siento!

  -No sienta nada. Era un maldito desgraciado, avaro, infiel y avaricioso. Menos mal que me dejó una pequeña fortuna. Ahora me dedico a viajar por el mundo y asistir a los vermisagges locales, como este para beber un Fermet.

   La dama con el sombrero de alas anchas y cinta roja se apegó tanto a mí que ya yo no sabía si la capelina era de ella o mía. Estábamos en una situación casi ridícula. Parecíamos una pareja de viejos enamorados cazadores de reuniones de este tipo para engullir canapés y tomar alguna bebida que nos hiciera olvidar el pasado o nuestra vejez. Pero a la dama  se le subió el Fernet a la cabeza hasta aterrizar en mis piernas. Yo me quede con el amplio sombrero en las manos mientras ella entró en un sueño profundo.

   Ni tan siquiera supe su nombre ni me preguntó el mío.    

  Y así quedamos los dos como dos amantes sin rumbo a quienes la bebida los había obligado a soñar en un maldito sueño eterno.

                          ORLANDO VICENTE ALVAREZ

 

   

            

 

   

            

BARBERÍA: CUANDO EL MONO SE VISTE DE SEDA VIEJO SE QUEDA.

  BARBERÍA: CUANDO EL MONO SE VISTE DE SEDA, VIEJO SE QUEDA.

    Hace unos días abrió una barbería, no un “Coifer en que entras a hacerte un corte de pelo y sales con cejas depiladas  y hasta los cascos de los pies pintados de rojo turquesa, pues sí, era  una verdadera  barbería como Dios manda,  con un antiguo asiento, un solo espejo en el  frente y olor a agua de colonia como en la época de mi gloriosa juventud.

    Yo había visto en Punta Shopping argentinos viejos y jóvenes con modernos  cortes de peinado a lo militar o sea, rapados a los costados  y con un “hopo” en la coronilla y pensé: si esos viejos se lo hacen por qué no yo. No me quería sentir fuera de “onda”.

    Pues fui a la nueva barbería donde un joven de 36 años, rapado y con una cachucha atada con una cinta dormitaba en un gastado sofá.

 

  Le dije qué corte quería que me hiciera pero me dijo muy discretamente que yo era muy viejo para esa moda de pibes. Ahh, se me olvidaba, frente al local se leía un cartel con los precios, no baratos, y además decía con letras imitando un grafiti: Corte a lo “degradé”. Tenía que ser en francés, no en puro castizo sino tener una onda extrajera para que vieran que hacían cortes modernos y todo ese lio.

   Yo le dije que quería un “degradé”, que lo intentara pues yo me sentía joven aunque ya la papada me colgaba hasta el pecho. Ante mi insistencia, el barbero me explicó que no sería tan radical en el corte y que el “hopo” no iba a ser tan abundante.

  -Tiene un pelo abundante y hermoso- me engatusó el barbero- pero muchas canas…

  -No importa. De aquí no salgo  sin un degradé aunque tenga que “degraciarme”-le contesté con ironía.

   Empezó el corte del cabello. Mechones del mismo caían por la capa. Adiós pelo mío, sin ti, no hubiera conquistado tantas chicas y maduronas en mi segunda juventud.

  Terminó el barbero. No era lo que yo deseaba, más corte a máquina 0 en los costados y de ahí ir subiendo por los costados hasta que el equipo marcara 4. Cuando terminó me enseñó con espejo redondo la parte trasera de la jeta.

  Intente poner cara de satisfacción. Le pagué la elevada suma y salí a la calle. Nadie  parecía darse cuenta del cambio. Después reflexioné que un corte de cabello moderno no me hacía más joven, sino que realzaba más aun mi voluminoso rostro que tiende a caerse hacia abajo y adelante por leyes de la física y la falta de elasticidad de la piel.

   Bueno.  MONO AUNQUE  TE CAMBIES EL LOOK, VIEJO SERÁS EL RESTO DE TU VIDA.                

DR ORLANDO VICENTE ALVAREZ CUBANO URUGUAYO,GENIO