WITH THE ROPE TO THE NECK? DON'T GO TO THE PSYCHIATRIST.

 WITH THE ROPE TO THE NECK? DON'T GO TO THE PSYCHIATRIST.

 Some time in consultation came a patient who taught me a role to present in offices of help to those in need of the government on duty

 .- And what is this saying here? I don't understand. The psychiatrist who attends to me wrote it to me-he said in a broken voice.

. I took the sheet in my hands and read it:"Diogenes Syndrome mixed with Narcissus Syndrome Type II"

  I was thoughtful for a few moments and said:

  -Better go to a Psychoanalyst who knows a lot about Hermeneutics and Exegesis, which they know more than a psychiatrist about this disease.

 - And what is that Doctor?

  -It is about the study and decryption of ancient writers, especially the Holy Scriptures, the Bible.

  - And what do I have to do with that, Doctor? I'm a calm man, I worked my whole life and now that the years have lifted me with a heavy load. I come with this?

  -Ahh. The psychiatrists, the psychiatrists! Go with the psychoanalyst, please, who are the best connoisseurs of mental illness. And they don't prescribe as many medications as psychiatrists that produce side effects and then more drugs come to counteract these. In the end, you look worse than when you first came in.-And I continued after a pause, -the problem with psychoanalysts is that they take their time to diagnose you- 7 or 10 years, it depends on your pocket- And they also fall asleep at times during the consultation and from time to time they wake up to say: "Please continue, continue, we are already making great progress" - and after another pause - "By the way: What time is it?"
 And you say: "But it's only been 40 minutes, Doctor!"

  And the psychoanalyst tells you with the greatest patience:

  -No matter the time if it is well spent. Until next week ... Ahh. Don't forget your credit card. A week ago my fees aren't paid by you

.-Ahh. Yes. That the psychiatrist diagnosed you with a metal disease that I already know.

-YES. It seems so Doctor. But he caught my attention  only once, a year and a half ago, he saw me personally in his office. Then he sent his secretary to repeat the medication, like this, without more or more.

  -And why didn't you complain?

  -I didn't want to bother them, Doctor. They work hard because this world is getting worse: people suffering everywhere.

  -But as you say here on paper you have a mental illness...

  -What mental illness, or mental illness! I only went to see a psychiatrist.

  The old man left the office with short steps as if life itself had been shattered.

  It wasn't like thousands of years ago when mental illnesses were treated by the sorcerer or the village spiritist. Or else, they stoned the individual as possessed by some evil spirit and ended the evil.   Or they stoned him, hanged him, exiled him or another form of torture

 .Then, over time the priests arrived who, with confession, penance, repentance and prayer as 28 Hail Mary and 40 Our Father, intended to cure the sick. If this didn't work then they called an exorcist of experience and all the demons - there were all kinds of evil spirits that tormented the psyche of the sufferer, and holy remedy. If they did'nt expel them, they locked him in a special convent with a closed cell and kept him in bread and water, until he died, thus they ended the evil root.

  I saw a documentary of the black AFRICA where a sorcerer sanctified in a tongue of his ancestors a young man, prostrate on a palm branch in the open air, to cure him of an Acute Appendicitis. Then he gave him a very old potion to drink. The young man stood or died - the evil spirit had triumphed - but in this case the boy was cured of his ailment. It was a matter of faith and cultural tradition.

  Then Sigmund Freud arrived who complicated everything with the psychoanalytic revolution. And he went to Greek mythology — it had to be the Greeks because everyone was crazy starting with Plato and his atomic theory.

   There arose several Syndromes that explained the complexity of the human soul: Diogenes, Oedipus, Electra-Jung-, Cronos, Ulises. Even Penelope Syndrome - yes Ulysses' wife who waited for him for 20 years being faithful, this type of female is no longer seen - was mentioned in psychoanalysis.

  But Freud didn't remain calm. The human soul was so complex - and he made a pandemonium of it - So, it wasn't enough with so many Gods to name mental illnesses. No. He didn't stay there.The Creso Complex, the Achilles Complex, emerged. And finally, not satisfied - the Greek Gods ran out - explained the Oedipus Complex that so many headaches brought to psychoanalysis - most specialists were already developing some of these Syndrome that is, they went crazy and invented the Complex  of Complex Sarah Bernard famous actress of the early twentieth century that mobilized crowds with her performances in the theater. SARAH BERNHARDT OFFENDS CUBANS in 19 October 1905

Alleged to have classified Islanders as "Negroes  in Dress Clothes." The reality was that a cuban creole had touched her beautiful ass in the crowd.

   Since it wasn't enough for those who had clearly explained the Doctor who revolutionized the approach to new mental illnesses, which had always existed but a man like him had to emerge to complicate things.

  Then the Phobias arose:

  Ablutophobia: fear of water and hand washing - in colloquial language: the Pig Complex.

  Acluophobia: fear of darkness - especially applied to children who want to sleep with a candle lit or more modernly, with an electric lamp. This is eliminated when the boy reaches adolescence, has a girlfriend and looks for a dark place in the street to satisfy his imperative sexual need. There the fear of darkness dissapear.

  Agateophobia, dementophobia or maniaphobia: fear of madness or going crazy: how things are going to that phobia we all arrive sooner or later especially the psychiatrists who already have some.

   And so many Phobias that psychoanalysts and psychiatrists confused them all: one who feared the dark was called Dark Phobia, those who feared bathing, DirtyPhobia, and so on.

  But Freud's most controversial theory was why human beings developed attraction to the opposite sex. He called the man "fear of castration" and the woman "penis envy" All to overcome the Oedipus Complex in his childhood. He didn't see that the human couple f... because yes, it is a natural and evolutionary instinct to preserve the species.

  That's why I say that Freud and Jung were already crazy when they wrote their treatises, especially Freud in "The interpretation of dreams" as a cartomantic that tells you that it means the dream that is usually that you are going to break a lightning bolt or fill your hands of money. 

   Also in "Toten and Taboo" that I shot hidden in the University of Cuba, and other studies that more than psychoanalysis or psychiatric seemed inspiration of a sensitive and observant artist. The cinema hadn't yet developed in all its fullness but would have been inspired by the form of the rockets, spaceships, zeppelin, etc.  to see a symbolic "phallus" in all of them, because man is increasingly sexually impotent and the proliferation of Gays make them see those symbols everywhere.

  A 92-year-old patient with a clear mind, who told me that she had never suffered a Depression in her life and had been very happy, went to a psychiatrist. The doctor was speechless. Some Syndrome had to endilgate the old woman. And he told her that she was carrying “Methuselah Syndrome” but she was not going to leave like that so much as a consultation. He prescribed a lot of psychotropic drugs so that the old woman wouldn't leave without a diagnosis and treatment. The poor woman wanted to be put to rest because she had lived long enough, had enjoyed life, her family had already died and she wanted the Lord to take her now, but with a little help. The doctor prescribed some drugs that bedridden her. Thus she died unconscious. This time the doctor had been very insightful.

  I also made my contribution to Psychoanalysis or Psychiatry when I was practicing in a city in Nicaragua.

  Inspired by the Judeo-Christian Holy Scriptures, I dared to invent the "Adam and Eve Syndrome.

  "When God made Paradise He saw that  needed a human partner: man and woman He created them. But He didn't know why He had put a phallus on the man and a cleft  between  the woman legs.

  The two human creatures didn't know what they were for either. God for the doubt that those parts of the anatomy were going to give him many problems later  said:

  -You might eat all kinds of fruits from the garden of Eden less that tree of juicy, bright and large peaches, you will not eat them because then my fury will spill on you and the utopia of Paradise will disappear, as before there was nothing.

   I don't believe in the legend of the snake gossiping the couple that they ate peach fruits. The truth is that a bad creature said Eva," took a fruit one day - women are always the first in everything, especially in that of sin - and eat it"

  She found it delicious and said to the man:

  -"Bite the fruit so you can see how good it is. If you like it, I'll make you peach pie later”

  Adam followed Eva's advice and ate the fruit of the forbidden tree. 

  Then, a fever seized them and an unknown impulse spread through the two bodies to the point that those anatomical parts that they didn't know what they were for were perfectly coupled, giving them the greatest pleasure of their lives.

  The Peach tree was left without a single fruit in a few days and even the leaves disappeared.

  God found out. The Archangel Gabriel, who was tremendous gossip and confidant, told the Most High that his prohibition had been broken. God came down from their heavenly mansions - the dictators of today have them with swimming pools and all the luxury that the people don't enjoy - and cursed Adam and Eve lose the Paradise that had cost them so much to build - in those times the mortar, beasts and birds had to be imported from all over the world, which had cost the entire heavenly court an immeasurable fortune that plunged into great spiritual inflation.

  Total. If they don't have those anatomical accidents Gog himself had created them to obtain offspring and the human species  disappeared. He never knew why He had forbidden them to use them. Was it because of the pleasure they brought, which He was deprived of?

  A reliable example of this Adam and Eve Syndrome that I discovered was provided by my consulting secretary in Nicaragua. She was a shy girl. Very well arranged and fragrant with perfume. One day she asked me that she wanted to ask me something. She said in a shameful and modest voice, with her face on and her head down:

 -Look Doctor. The problem is that my husband and I eagerly wish to have a child but we have been trying for a year and a half and nothing.

   My medical instinct told me that there were something wrong with the couple's sexual relations and I said:

   - Does he use condoms or do you take the pills or does the man spill his seed out of your gut? -I told her very tactfully.

   -I don't know, Doctor. If I have never seen him - the virile member - I haven't touched it or anything like that. Also, I don't take the pill and I don't know if I he uses a condom or not.

-So you don't feel pleasure?

-No Doctor. I feel like a green banana, long and hard, will destroy my guts every night.

   -What position do they make love in? -I asked.

   - On all fours always, as if I were a bitch.

   My mind lit up:

  - So your husband penetrates you against nature?

  - And what is that, Doctor?

  -He never puts himself on top of you and makes love to you from the front slit?

  No. Doctor. Isn't that opening to urinate and for a baby to 
  be born?

-"Virgin Mary," I said in amazement, "then you are still a virgin!"

-Oh my God. Do not mention our Dear Mother of Christ in this filth!

-I meant that you are still like a virgin for not making love as God commands.-I paused-Bring your husband to the office to talk to him. He is a donkey with two legs.That's why you didn't have a baby.

  My brain lit up with Adam and Eve Syndrome before the original sin. I explained some sexual techniques that I should carry out, etc. etc. As the girl was beautiful and very desirable I approached her to be more explicit. I was excited but I restrained myself. It won't be that if I put a hand on there would produce some Syndrome of those Maniacs and go outside screaming: "The doctor wanted to rape me!" or something similar. That's why I didn't touch her. 

  Currently, just to talk about sex even if you are a doctor with your female patient, they accuse you of sexual abuse or attempted rape. Although in those years it was usual practice sexual relations with more daring patients or between cuban medical and paramedical staff.

   In recent years, psychiatrists and psychoanalysts have had to modernize with the new pop generation of young people from music, television, film and other media. For example some already know:

   Jennifer Lopez Complex: here is a disorder of how girls feel in relation to the body. Everyone wants to have the butt of the singer and actress. There is a real mania to blow silicone or some other material on the buttocks and then go outside with tight jeans, or tight short closed to show off a succulent A... Is there already treatment for this?

  Rapper Complex: they are generally American negroes who have made millions with their raps and dress strikingly with overcoats of open mink skins, wide-brimmed hats and multiple Gold pierces on the ears and lips. Numerous jewels tangletheir neck. All young people, especially brownyoung men, wants to imitate them and since they don't have the millions of dollars, they fall into some type of depression that needs psychiatric attention.

WHITNEY SPEARS COMPLEX: adolescent who reached stardom with the image of a naughty schoolgirl - incitement to pedophiles - and golden hair. After, she had many millions she became rebellious, she rubbed hers hair, got pierced and neglected her two hand neglecting her two children, to the point that she lost custody of them. Then she fought to recover them. 

  Tell me psychiatrists do these mental dissorder has treatment other than pills and pills but psychotherapy, which is to talk closely with patients with a lot of patience and love, who try to imitate these figures? 

  We no longer have to resort to Greek mythology. Just observe the reality around. The times change. 

  Why our pulse accelerated, we were red and staring and an erection that broke our pants in our teens in front of a full-color and semi-nude photo of Marilyn Monroe. What was that syndrome that we all suffered and that made us feel guilty? We were just normal boys responding to a testosterone discharge as always, at all times, it has happened with humanity. 

   Now I hope you all don't call me Psychiatrophobic, you have some reason.

                Dr. Orlando Vicente Alvarez