Wednesday, January 9, 2019



  When I was in Cuba one day a policewoman and her husband-the latter a distant relative of mine-invited us to dinner at their house.

   The lady received us kindly.

   -Enter.Enter. You are at your home, "she said with a loud voice of a lioness, a cigar maker or a menopause.

  - Sit down, please, that at your ages you  will not grow anymore.

   The police were an opulent woman, with a big bust that only the bodice could contain. Wide hips, arms like hams and a face made up as if to participate in an imminent glamor contest.

   - Here I introduce  you my husband ...

  - Very, very good ...

   -Come here, kid. Since when do you like it if your taste buds have already atrophied? Sit yourself too ... There in the chair of the diners, not, on the couch of the dog, which resembles you, ha ha ha ... You visitors, sit on the new couch that I bought recently.

   The poor man, docile and ashamed, obeyed without a sound, while we, without uttering words, took our seat on the famous new couch.

   Someone knocked on the door.

   -Enter. Enter, my friend. What a joy to see you again! - and addressing us - He is a journalist. He belongs to the UNEAC and all that.

  He was a young man, half mulatto, strong and shy. Without further protocol he took a seat next to us on the couch.

   -Her name is Rufino- the woman said, -but do not be frightened by such a peculiar name, he inherited it from hisr grandfather who was a blond Spaniard who married a black woman about a century ago- and introduced  us.

    - they are doctors ... Ahh ... I forgot their specialty, it was ...

    -Specialist in feet.-I said intimidated

  .- Which foot, the right or the left? Look, now there are specialties from all parts of the body, even from the saliva ... ha ha ha ... By the way. Could not you take care of my husband's left foot? It has a bunion that there is no shoe that fits and also snores at night. IF he looks like an old steam locomotive. Ha ha ha.

   We intimacies did not dare to say anything.

    The young Rufino seemed silent and the husband disappeared into the soft couch of the dog that had already lost its form.

   - Dinner is ready. Take a seat at the table of diners, please.

   My wife and I had already lost our appetite but we sat at the table in silence.

  - Guess what? ... If even pork roast I got it with a small bribe I gave to a peasant for speeding ... Do not tell anyone ... But we, the police, we also have the right to live as God intended and from time to time we like each other.

   Rufino started talking about music.

   - Do you have Beethoven?

  -To who? Here we do not listen to foreign music ... Unless we know a man around here, he will not be the new husband of Juanita, my neighbor? Because she opens her husband every year as if she were a new dress. That is a liberated woman ...

   -No- said young Ramiro- he is a composer of classical music. Will not they have a record of him to liven up the dinner with his symphonies and choirs?

   -Not beautiful man. Here only salsa music like "Sandunguera" by Los Van Van.

  -Do you want me to put it on?" Said Rufino.

   -Ay son, since I do not put me it ... a long, long time ago, this husband of mine, does not know what that is ...

   There was silence.

   Rufino interceded for the husband:

   -Move more kind to him. Look, he seems to be a very sensitive man.

   -Yes. He has the sensibility of a refrigerator with frízer.

   The embarrassed husband lowered his head. After a minute he exclaimed:

   -But this pig has no smell as a  pork- he said almost angered, it is seen that the hint of his wife had touched a sensitive point.

  -Come here, kid. Since when do you have sense of smell, if even that has been lost, here who smells the food is me ... Truth doctor, his wife and Rufino?

  -Yes I can see.

  I saw myself saying in defense of the poor husband.

   When the dinner was over and we had a coffee mug, we went to the portal. There was a brick bench almost at the door of the house. Rufino sat on it. The woman police also sits two meters from the young man.

  - Come here, young man. You have a girlfriend?   - said the police woman approaching half a meter from the young man.

  -Yes. I have a girlfriend several months ago ..

  .- Could not you keep two women, look like you're strong as a bull? And women are left on the street.

  She went a little closer to Rufino.

  - Would not you like a mature woman, sow in bed but like a lady to others?

  The woman clung more to Rufino until she almost put an arm around his shoulder, and the husband silently smoked a cigar at the door of the house.

   My wife and I, witnessed the scene with a desire to laugh, of course, we had taken five beers.

   -No," said Rufino, "until now I do not want the sows ... By the way ... The piglet that we ate would not be a sow or a piglet?

  -But what do you say Rufino ... You've offended me ... Now everyone goes to their house. If you don't quickly you have to pay a fine for indecent assault. Let's go. Walking, that's where the devil comes.

  The last time I saw the police woman were in Emergency at the Hospital.

   She brought an inmate to the doctor, in chains. She has green uniform, a gun in her hip and  all that.

   I greeted her with a gesture. She recognized me and approached me.

   -Good. Doctor. Now I work as a custodian in the women's prison. I do not know why they moved me over there. But I'm fine. And look, the inmates are not easy. I have to have a lot of courage to face and control them ...

  -I do not know why they put you in custody if you are so sweet ...-I said.

  -Thank you Doctor. It's nice to hear some courtship from time to time. ... Between us, are you still married to that skeleton and blonde white? Because I am now available. I threw my husband's useless and you can believe ...

  -What? Did he leave sad and distressed?

  -Do not. He left with an attack of joy and laughter. For me, he was crazy.

                                                  Orlando Vicente Álvarez

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