Sunday, July 21, 2019


Image result for arbol guayabo imagen


  They were two families that lived behind the back wall of the City Cemetery.Well that they helped each other: some management in the warehouse, home remedies for diseases, etc.

   Until a Guayabas tree sparked a war and divided that pre-mortuary battlefield on two fronts.

  Mirtha, that was the name of the patriarch of the house on the left side, had raised 10 children with a father almost absent, so she was a big woman, with imperious gestures and commands that didn't request a single replica of that troop of children of all the ages.

  Josefina, meanwhile was a slender lady of slow talking and convincing with the strength of reason and sweetness. Until the day of the drama occurred.

  -Mirtha-Josefina said to her neighbor- the Guayaba tree that is in the patio belongs to us. You put a fence that included the trunk for your patio and that's how it was on the side of your property.

  Josefina swallowed, keeping her anger and answered

  :-Look neighbor. With the tree you can do whatever you want, even put it where you know ... -she made a transition and breathe more relieved- Let me tell you that the only piece of land we have all guaranteed is  there in front of us- the cemetery.

  She turned around and locked herself in the house.

Mirtha, triumphant, asked her numerous children to help her. She started the fence and for a few inches she put it back so that the guabo tree was included in her own patio.

  But the Guayabo scatters its branches for the house of Mirtha. 

  Josefina had a great idea. She tied a wire string to the trunk of the tree and stuck the other end deep into the ground next to the kitchen.So the tree remained a few months throwing its fruits to the courtyard of Mirtha, who forbade their children, on pain of a good bout of lashes, not to take a single of the attractive fruits that hung or fell ripe until they could be as a snack forbidden for the children who did not understand these things as adults.

  When I left Cuba the tree was still standing. But the good work done by Josefina, the slow traction, etc., paid off and the guava tree finally stood up, this time, leaning towards the plaintiff's yard.Josefina saw that as a personal triumph.

   And so it was that two neighboring families, previously inseparable, fought over a common tree of guabos and were enemies forever.



Image result for arbol guayabo imagen


  Eran dos  familias que Vivian tras el muro trasero del Cementerio de la Ciudad.

  Muy bien que se ayudaban: alguna gestión en el almacén, remedios caseros para enfermedades, etc. Hasta que un  árbol de Guayabas desató una guerra  y dividió en dos frentes aquel campo de batalla pre mortuorio.

  Mirtha, que así se llamaba la patriarca de la casa del lado izquierdo había criado10 hijos con un padre casi ausente, por lo que era una mujer corpulenta, de ademanes imperiosos y mandatos que no solicitaban ni una sola réplica de aquella  tropa de hijos de  todas las edades.

  Josefina, por su parte. Era una dama delgada de hablar pausado y que convencía con la fuerza de la razón y la dulzura. Hasta que se produjo el día del drama.

  -Mirtha-dijo Josefina a su vecina- el árbol de Guayaba que está en el patio nos pertenece. Ustedes pusieron una cerca que incluía el tronco para vuestro patio y así quedó del lado de tu propiedad.

  Josefina trago en seco, guardando la ira y le contestó:

  -Mira vecina. Con el árbol puedes hacer  lo que quieras, incluso metértelo por donde tú sabes…-hizo una transición y respiro más aliviada-Dejame decirte que la única porción de tierra las tenemos todos garantizadas allá enfrente-en el cementerio.

  Dio media vuelta y se encerró en la casa.

  Mirtha, triunfante, pidió a sus numerosos hijos que la ayudaran. Arrancó el cercado y  por unas pulgadas lo volvió a colocar de modo que el guayabo quedara incluido en su propio patio.

  Pero el Guayabo desparrama sus ramas para la casa de Mirtha. Josefina tuvo una idea genial. Ató un cordel de alambre al tronco del árbol y clavó el otro extremo profundo en su suelo junto a la cocina.

  Así quedó el árbol unos meses arrojando sus frutos al patio de Mirtha, que prohibió a sus hijos, so pena de  una buena tanda de azotes, que no tomaran ni una sola de los atractivos frutos que colgaban o caían maduros hasta que se podrían como bocado prohibido para los niños que no entendían estas cosas de adultos.

  Cuando salí de Cuba y el árbol seguía en pie. Pero el buen trabajo realizado por Josefina, la tracción lenta, etc, dio sus frutos y el guayabo al fin se erguía, esta vez,  inclinado hacia el patio de la demandante.

  Josefina vio aquello como un triunfo personal.

  Y así fue como dos familias vecinas, antes inseparables, se pelearon por un común árbol de guayabas y fueron enemigas para siempre.

                         ORLANDO VICENTE ÁLVAREZ  

Saturday, July 20, 2019



I like the legend of Moses left in a basket in the waters. It is more imaginative. The boy's father was of Nordic origin and the Hebrew mother was brunette. It was born a beautiful child as are those of Scandinavia.

   In those times, Pharaoh ordered the slaughter of every son of the Hebrews in Egypt- I do not know why they had so much hatred for the Hebrews, especially if they were slaves at all times, it was because of their religion that they were monotheistic or because God  had made a promise to Abram, Isaac and Jacob that he would protect them from all evil.
  The truth is that his parents wanted to give luck a chance or that God, in his immense mercy, would somehow save the child. They stuffed him into a squashed basket and placed him near where the princess, Pharaoh's daughter, tooking her weekly bath - for me it was our old friend Nefertiti, foreign like the Hebrews.

  They say that the basket means the maternal womb or the lap and that the waters the amniotic fluid - according to the exegetes and the Hermeneutics or the baptism of Christ by John the Baptist according to others - but I prefer the holy scriptures: the Christian Bible, the Torah and even the Qur'an that describes this scene.

   The basket slid downstream between Hippos and crocodiles. An aunt of the baby, who was crying and screaming with hunger, remained about 100 meters away hidden among the reeds to see what was happening.The Egyptian princess who had a good heart but hated the Hebrews as she had been taught, sent her maidens to see what would happen.

   And behold, she saw a child white as milk and blue eyes and felt sorry for him.

  _But how we raised him in the palace. He needs a nurse to breastfeed him. -she said.

  The aunt came out of hiding and whispered that she knew a woman with abundant milk, Hebrew and could take care of the baby.

  The princess felt sorry for the baby and agreed and said solemnly:

  - I banned this child until he is a tarajalludo and can come to court. I pay her support-the princess was really good at releasing the money -And she let him go with the aunt and the real mother breastfed him and saved him from the snares of Pharaoh and his hosts until the child was old enough to go to the Grand palace.

  And there he was tought everything a prince has to know:  artistic drawing to write in hieroglyphics-animals and warriors and pharaohs in immense battle, arithmetic, grammar, good manners, conceptual art- comparing the three pyramids, with three smaller ones and a stool. Also all the literature that a future Pharaoh must know.

  Once been a teenager, Moses fell in love with a 13-year-old little princess called DIAZEPINA in the Egyptian language, which means "SOMNOLIENTA" in that language.

   A friend told him to practice "coitus interruptus" so he spilled his seed out of the girl's vagina like Onan did with Tamar.

   But an Egyptian priest of much wisdom taught him how to put on a bull-gut condom sacrificed in a full moon-thus the Gods gave the go-ahead for action-so that Moses would satisfy his amorous impulses that were irrepressible at that age.

  When he enthroned as crown prince - everyone else had died of diphtheria or in battles - Moses took the royal ship, which was a precious one - and filled it with beautiful slaves from everywhere. All young girls and used condoms provided by the royal priest.

  And he got tired, exhausted from so much sex and fermented barley until he fell unconscious at night.

  But the Lord had not forgotten him. He had him in his sights since his birth but he let him go to Egypt to prepare to be a patriarch with knowledge that only the Egyptians knew.

 Moses already felt the tingling of being a patriarch and of feeling sorry for the Hebrews as his real mother had taught him as a boy.

  When Moses turned 40, the Lord began to intervene. He had chosen him since his birth because He knew the future and it was as it is said in English "the one"

  to read all the history of humor of the Pentatatesque for those who don't know the Old Testament , download from Amazon my book "LOS DIOSES TAMBIÉN RIEN" written with humor but respect for the holy writings.


Image result for humanos en luna


  I remember the day when the first human beings stepped on the surface of the Moon. They were my 1969 hollydays. My family and I were on our farm in the Philippines, now named Villorrio, where electricity and drinking water had not arrived.

  I, stuck to a Soviet battery radio, tuned to a medium wave station. The VOA or the Voice of America-in those times there was still no Radio or TV Martí-and the Cuban media did not say anything about the event that was approaching although it was widespread throughout the planet and humanity was pending.

  Clear. It was the time of the cold war and the Soviets seemed more advanced in the conquest of outer space.

  I heard in Spanish the very excited speaker connected to NASA who was directing the operation:

  - On July 21, at 02:56 GMT, Commander Neil Armstrong descended the Eagle ladder and stepped on the lunar surface, pronouncing one of the best known phrases in history. The world embraced excitedly in front of the television screens and the radio transistors, because he felt that feat as his.

  I ran to tell my parents that they were in the kitchen that Man had reached the moon.

  -First God put his foot there. I do not see where the Greater is- said Dad indifferent.

  But I was excited. It seemed like something great to me and I ran through the countryside to break the news to my two older brothers. They continued in their tasks as if the news was just another one of my fertile imagination.Cuban 

  Television I believe gave the news laconiamente and without further explanations.

  Armstrong became the first human being to step on the moon and said: "That is a small step for man, a great leap for humanity."

  That phrase, still the most famous of science and man, still thrills me.

  Several years later, the Cuban humorous weekly PA'LANTE published on its front page a full-color cartoon of the Soviet Robot Lunajov, throwing one of its appendices powder to the two American cosmonauts, thus ridiculing the feat as if the machine could replace the human species. So, belatedly, they made fun of the human moon landing on our satellite.

  NASA placed a commemorative plaque on the landing gear of the Eagle, Fifty years later, at that point of the Sea of Tranquility, some words continue to remember the universal dimension of what for many is the greatest adventure of all time:

   "Here Men of the planet Earth put their foot on the Moon for the first time. In July of 1969. We came in peace for all of humanity"

   "Those three travelers were wrapped in the flag of the United States, but they represented the entire world. They belonged to an old lineage of navigators; Intrepid explorers who one day left Africa for no other reason than to always go further, and did not stop until they colonized the entire planet. They crossed narrows, climbed mountains, entered jungles, challenged the poles and learned to decipher the secrets of the seas. Now, they returned after conquering the most desired horizon: that of the stars.

             Orlando Vicente Alvarez


 Image result for humanos en luna


  Recuerdo el día en que los primeros  seres humanos pisaban la superficie de la Luna. Eran mis vacilones de 1969. Mi familia y yo estábamos en nuestra finca de Filipinas, actual Villorrio, donde no había llegado la electricidad ni agua potable.
  Yo, pegado a un radio de pilas soviético, sintonicé una estación en onda media. La VOA o sea la Voz de América-en aquellos tiempos todavía no existía Radio ni TV Martí-y los medios de  comunicación cubanos no decían nada del acontecimiento que se acercaba aunque  estaba difundido por toda el planeta y la humanidad  estaba pendiente.
  Claro. Eran los tiempos de la guerra fría y los soviéticos parecían  más adelantados en la conquista del espacio exterior.
  Yo escuché en español al locutor muy emocionado conectado a la NASA que dirigía la operación:
 - El 21 de julio, a las 02:56 horas GMT, el comandante Neil Armstrong descendió por la escalerilla del Eagle y pisó la superficie lunar, pronunciando una de las frases más conocidas de la historia. El mundo se abrazó emocionado frente a las pantallas de televisión y los transistores de radio, porque sintió aquella hazaña como suya.
 Yo corriendo avisé a mis padres que se encontraban en la cocina de que el Hombre había llegado a la luna.
 -Primero Dios puso el pie allí. No veo donde está la Azaña- dijo Papá indiferente.
  Pero yo estaba excitado. Me parecia algo grandioso y corrí por el campo a darle la noticia a mis dos hermanos mayores. Ellos siguieron en sus faenas como  si la noticia  no fuera más que  otra más de mi fértil imaginación.
  La Televisión cubano creo que dio la noticia laconiamente y sin más explicaciones.  

   Armstrong se convirtió en el primer ser humano en pisar la luna y dijo: "Ese es un pequeño paso para  el hombre, un gran salto para la humanidad".
  Esa frase, todavía la más famosa de la ciencia y del hombre, aun me emociona.
  Varios años después, el semanario humorístico cubano PA’LANTE publicó en su primera plana una caricatura a todo color del Robot soviético Lunajov, arrojándole con uno de sus apéndices polvo a los dos cosmonautas norteamericanos, así ridiculizando la hazaña como si la máquina pudiera sustituir a la especie humana. As, tardíamente, se burlaron del alunizaje humano en nuestro satélite.
      La NASA colocó una placa conmemorativa en el tren de aterrizaje del Eagle, Cincuenta años después, en ese punto del Mar de la Tranquilidad, unas palabras siguen recordando la dimensión universal de la que para muchos es la mayor aventura de todos los tiempos: “Aquí hombres del planeta Tierra pusieron por primera vez el pie en la Luna. En julio de 1969. Vinimos en paz por toda la humanidad”.
  Aquellos tres viajeros estaban envueltos en la bandera de Estados Unidos, pero representaban al mundo entero. Pertenecían a una vieja estirpe de navegantes; exploradores intrépidos que un día abandonaron África sin otro motivo que el de ir siempre más allá, y no pararon hasta colonizar todo el planeta. Que cruzaron estrechos, escalaron montañas, se adentraron en selvas, desafiaron a los polos y aprendieron a descifrar los secretos de los mares. Ahora, regresaban después de conquistar el horizonte más ansiado: el de las estrellas.

                         Orlando Vicente Alvarez

Saturday, July 13, 2019




 Three nights ago we were walking along the path a friend philosopher and me.

  Suddenly in the opposite direction comes a girl about 20 years old. Tall, curly blond hair and long, thin features, voluptuous breasts, a waist sheathed in a short denim shorts showing the cheeks of the rear and fabulous legs well turned.

  She walked as if the path was a catwalk to show her  charms. I was silent first, stunned by so much beauty in bloom. I came up with many Cuban compliments that here in Uruguay might be offensive.

  I turned when the girl passed by and from my lips came this gallantry: 
My God! IF YOU LOOK LIKE A SWEDISH MODEL. God spent all his wisdom in making you by hand! ¡HE LOST HIS MOLDE ON YOU!.

  The girl smiled like the Monna Lisa and continued on her way to the beach.

   My friend stopped and rebuked me:

 -But how do you think to talk to a woman like that? Look that for less than that they accuse you of "Sexual Harassment" and they judge you.

  I, justifying myself, said:

 -Women will always want a respectful gallantry or an original compliment from a man. This raises her self-esteem and makes her feel sensual to man. The most she could scream was "Old Green" but none of that happened. 

  It is seen that the compliment praised her.

  -Good. You get in trouble for not following my advice. See that the famous Diva Mirtha Legrand made a meme in FB with her portrait of an old woman saying that she "Christopher Columbus had raped her at age 16" She did not flinch. And that she is a powerful woman.

  -You are still reading the German philosopher Edmund Gustav Albrecht Husserl and his Transcendental Philosophy, that I will continue to admire female beauties although they call me an old green.



  Several days of preparation had passed. The whole family was nervous. The husband of my friend, the international ballerina of Tango, was going to be the girl's godphather.

  Came the day. They had rented a party room. All nervous, especially young men: father and uncle of the girl.

  The uncle went to cut his hair to " degraded"  in a nearby "Coifer". But the event made him sad and a tear, from time to time, spilled through his eyes.The brother, the celebrated father, was more nervous than anyone else.

   There was only one bathroom in the house and next to the grandparents, the uncles and the girl and her sister had to stand in line before the bathroom.

   The party was at 9:00 at night.

  My friend's brother was nervous and whimpering because he was his favorite niece the girl and he felt like a daughter. Besides, the girl was not like the other teenagers, she did not wear shorts or tight pants or allow her male admirers to get close. She still considered herself a teengirl, that's how they had raised her.

  At last my friend's brother took a rigorous bath. Both brothers discussed the perfumes suitable for the occasion. The girl's father believed that the birthday was for him. He was perfumed with colognes, hair creams, etc.

   But something very important was missing. The suit of the godfather, man of the dancer, who had been sent to make a very famous tailor and had to collect minutes before the party.

  Already about to start the celebration, the room full of guests, the brother of my friend is trying on the dress. And here's his surprise that they had made a mistake in the tailoring shop. The suit was for an obese man, twice its anatomical proportions.

  He called the tailor but the store had already closed. The young man finally cried but this time with frustration.The girl in pink costume was beautiful: blonde, green eyes and many curves.

  The godfather resigned himself and put on that baggy suit that was falling constantly and had to tie with a rope at the waist.

   When he went out to the dance floor accompanying her niece on that glorious day, the guests thought it was a costume party. The young man full of shame but danced the waltz dragging the bottom of his pants. And crying with emotion.

  The guests took it as a joke so as not to overshadow the beauty of the girl. And so they were photographed. The photos where he was were next to the head of the girl.

   After everyone took champagne and ate the cake, the godfather with his good humor took everything as a joke.

 The truth is that afterwards everyone remembered the peculiar suit of the godfather.

  Of course, on Monday he went to the Tailor's shop and he told him:

  -Former turned out to be the fat man when he wanted to wear that small suit. He spent the night calling me but I could not attend to him. I will return your money to both of you. It was my wife who is almost blind and does not distinguish an obese from a skinny one.The tailor had to return to return the money to the husband of my friend, the dancer.

   And everything remained in a simple comic anecdote to remember ,